I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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