some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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