Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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