im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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