so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
