just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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