I think I died a long time ago.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
