He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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