Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
