i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
