Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
