just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
