Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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