those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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