Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
