so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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