I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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