Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
