There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
