His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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