yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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