grandma shit on top of the toilet
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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