You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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