hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
