I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
