that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
