I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
