i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
