I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
