Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
