i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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