dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
