If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
