The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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