Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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