When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
