So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
