I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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