So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
