No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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