FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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