Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
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