So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
