I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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