but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
