My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Randomize
