Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize