All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
whose ass print is on the piano?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
