He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
