What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
