Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just googled if crying burns calories
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
