just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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